TV:

…and the areas affected especially are the south-west of England, southern Wales –

-         …all around it.  The fish are not related to the crocodiles,

but they’re just as crafty.  The crocodile fish has these

quite elaborate painted eyelids around his eyeballs.

-         Wow, they’re cool!  But why? 

-         Well, it’s to disguise their eyes from predators and prey,

because when you’re underwater, open eyes make you

stand out, so this is a cunning way of watching your prey

and predators without –

Now, this week we’re giving away a Chevrolet Matiz each day plus a thousand pounds to help pay the car’s bills.  All you have to do is answer the question correctly and you could win that car. 

Which classic Michael Caine movie saw Mini Coopers racing round the streets of Turin? 

A.       The French Job

B.      The Italian Job

C.     The Swedish Job

To enter –

-         Leave me alone, OK? 

-         Hold it right there, you little twerp. 

-         Who are you? 

-         Who am I?  I’m someone who can crush

you into fine powder, that’s who I am. 

-         Carry on, Noddy.  And thank you.  I’ll check your work tomorrow morning.

-         Yes sir!  Can I wear your hat, Mr Plod? 

-         What?  Wear my official hat?  Impossible!  What makes you think you qualify to wear a policeman’s official uniform? 

-         …so much better.

-         I saved over one hundred pounds on my car insurance. 

-         The new website is a winner.  I absolutely love it. 

It was as romantic as some old movie on the Late Show.  Well, as romantic as my parents got, anyway.  But then, I guess he was in a hurry. 

Shall I stick with Redcoating, shall I go to the cast? 

I’m still in two minds because a lot of people were

saying, “Stay as a Redcoat.”  “Go to the cast.” 

“Stay as a Redcoat.” 

-         …prejudice against spilling one’s blood on one’s own doorstep.  It makes a mess of the house. 

-         You’ll make a mess whatever you do. 

-         Can you explain to be, doctor, scientifically, what happens to a resolve when you put the barrel to your head, pull the trigger, the hammer clicks and nothing happens?  Shall I blame myself for not remembering that powder gets damp very quickly in this damn Cornish atmosphere and that I should have brought some dry, or say it was just fate? 

-         Look at that price!

-         Ho-ho!  Love it! 

-         This is an advert we filmed last summer, these are just coming into flowers, and these are astonishing.  These are up to twelve inches across – this summer, Dale!  … You’re getting four of these – four of these plants – each one is going to produce up to sixty huge flowers. 

-         Sixty?  You know, six would’ve been great.  Sixty?! 

-         Can I just say, that’s amazing, because you won’t be able to buy some of these plants later in the season.  I’ve seen one of these on the market for eleven pounds fifty for one plant.  We’ve got four in this collection, I’ll show you how to plant them up, and they’re totally tough and hardy.  It’s years of colour, years of beauty, years of giant flowers …  It’s a major breakthrough in plant breeding – a major breakthrough.  I believe this is the new plant of our generation.  I’m so excited about it.

-         Well, you see, the thing is, when you say Hibiscus to someone, they think –

…and have tried even harder in attention to detail on the car itself – like an exhaust valve that operates at low speeds to make one’s arrival more understated.  Not to mention hubs that always keep the double-R perfectly upright.  Heated side-glass and hidden vents provide more agreeable indirect ventilation … And remember, Rolls owners prefer to hold their steering wheels at ten past eight, not ten to two.  And I will mention the stereo, with seven-point-one surround sound, nine amplifiers and fifty speakers. 

Mind you, there is the odd bit of beastliness, you know.  Everything’s not absolutely perfect.  These are horrible, cheap, tacky, nasty cup holders.  Ashtray’s jolly good, though.  The size of a landfill site! 

The man, Barry Metcalfe, twenty-six, is believed to have been killed by an intruder.    

-         Hey, hey, it’s Barry!  Barry’s on the telly! 

-         Where?

-         Look!  The picture! 

-         Well, I never!  The jammy bastard! 

-         That’s not funny.

-         I wasn’t trying to be funny.  It’s not like he’s a celebrity.  Anyone can get killed.  It doesn’t take any real skill, does it? 

-         S’pose.  Is anything else on? 

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